Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
