Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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