Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
