I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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