my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
