Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
