did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
