You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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