I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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