You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
