Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
