garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
