like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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