Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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