Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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