Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
