you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
