tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
