he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize