I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
