He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
