Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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