Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
