Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
