I must be too annoying 4 u.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize