I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
