I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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