I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
