It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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