I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
