I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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