I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
