How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
