I'm really into asian looking animals
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
