If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
