Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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