Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
my poor anus
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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