But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
