i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize