i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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