Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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