do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
