My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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