even my farts smell like vagina
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
