if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
