Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Randomize
