i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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