We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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