well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
