I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
