he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
