If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
