You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
