I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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