Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
