Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
