I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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