see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
