i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i love accidental penises.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
