She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
