It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
