someone threw a dead crab at me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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