i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
