I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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