I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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