I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
