At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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