i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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