I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
