I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize