Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
