I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
